Whitey's Corner 2008

Whitey's Corner

The catacombs of Busch Stadium were filled with swarming media today as St.Louis announced a blockbuster trade, acquiring superstar Ryan Howard. Owner Jim Sorochen was away on business but manager Whitey Herzog was in town to run the press conference. "Ladies and Gentleman, Boys and Girls of St.Louis. I am here to announce a trade. We've sent Jeff Francoeur, Gavin Floyd, Jason Varitek, Jesse Crain, Sean Casey, David Eckstein and our #1 pick to Minnesota. In return, we are getting Livian Hernandez, Salomon Torres, Kenny Griffey and their 3rd and 4th round draft picks", explained Herzog. The media furiously scribbled in their notebooks and more than a few of them began to furrow their brows. "Ahem, Whitey, doesn’t this seem to be a 1 sided trade for Minnesota?", asked local scribe Joe Santucci. Whitey began to chuckle to himself. "People of St.Louis, The RedBirds have omitted 1 name from this trade. Merry Christmas to you and yours and enjoy the holidays….because the key to this trade was none other than…..RYAN HOWARD!!!" The crowd gasped as the lights dimmed and the initial guitar strums of Jimi Hendrix's 'VOODOO CHILD' began to play. Emerging from the back in a St.Louis cap with a big smile on his face was none other than Ryan Howard himself.

Cameras clicked and tape recorders rolled as Howard shook Whitey Herzog's hand, gave him a hug and put his hat on backwards. "I couldn’t be happier to be in St.Louis. The fans here are among the best in the world. They expect to win, and I expect to win!", smiled Howard. "I cant wait until opening day. Wow, we are going to be battling the 3 time defending champs, KC and an emerging Detroit club. It should be lots of fun. I am going to miss Minnesota but wow, CC pitching every 4th or 5th day and giving us a chance every game. Wow, I cant wait!" said Howard. Howard then left the stage and left through the curtain with his new manager Whitey Herzog.

~Buster's notes~

~ St.Louis bbq restaurant owner ,Arnold "Dutch" Schaefer, was ecstatic about the trade. "WOW This is fantastic! Penny and CC would keep us in business. Now we have Howard and Livian Hernandez too? This is unbelievable…..That's over a half of ton of eating machine right there! I am going to raise prices in the spring, just to feed those 4 behemoths!!!"

~ St.Louis chinese food restaurant owner, David Pham, didn’t share Schaefer's sentiment. "That damn Sabathia and Penny would eat all my profits at lunch time once or twice a week. Now we have Howard and fat Livian too??!?!?! Oh nooo!!!!"

~During the press conference, incumbent first basement Paul Konerko sat with a stone faced scowl with his arms crossed. He left half way through the press conference.

~Long time SS David Eckstein was seen sobbing with his head in his hands in the lockerroom. Eckstein, who signed a deal to become "Manager in Waiting" after Whitey eventually abdicates leaves the organization he loved. "Guys, I cant talk right now. It hurts. I want everyone to know, I love St.Louis and Whitey's like a dad to me. BOO HOO BOO HOO BOO HOO"

~Reports are St.Louis took a while to decide to pull the trigger on the deal. They loved Floyd's development this off-season and were expecting great things. Francouer was going to be a foundation for this team but felt Howard in his prime and protection for David Wright was too far too pass up...