Whitey's Corner 2005

Whitey's Corner

Date: December 31, 2005
Subject: "Whitey: The Undiscovered Rat" - a rare interview

SPIBL beat reporter Paul Spychala sat down recently with St. Louis Red Birds manager Whitey Herzog for an in-depth, no holds barred interview. Herzog candidly talks about his team's chances to win in 2006, his feuding with players, his love of alcohol, and how many years he plans to continue managing.

PS: Whitey, thanks for taking the time to sit down and talk. How has this off-season gone?

Whitey: First off, this Rolex is really something. I am more of a folksy type of guy, but my buddies at the Elks will love this!

PS: <shifting uncomfortably in seat> Thanks Whitey, glad you like it. So what do you think of your off-season so far?

Whitey: So far, so good. I’ve been hunting and fishing almost every day with a little golf sprinkled in. Usually wind up at the Elks for dinner for a few drinks and some cards before going home around 9pm.

PS: What about your team’s off-season?

Whitey: <biting off a tip of cigar and spitting it at Spychala> I am happy with it. It’s been no surprise we’ve been retooling, as I like to call it. I don’t like the word rebuild. We’ve been retooling after our first two years when I thought we were good enough to win it all. Two division crowns. Anyway, we have some very good young talent and some good veterans… a good mix. I was just ‘coon hunting with Jeff Kent the other day and I haven’t seen him this excited in a while. He told me, “Whitey, I think we got the horses this year. I think we have a 100 in us.” I think he meant 100 wins and not 100 <bleeping> losses!!

PS: How has the losing affected you the last two years Whitey?

Whitey: It <bleeping> sucks. I hate losing. I am too old to be losing <bleeping> ballgames. I am old, ornery and want to win. I have never lost that passion. But I realize what the GM of this team is trying to do. It is a different game these days. You have that salary cap with extensions and all that <bleep>. You need to be a PH.D nowadays to run a <bleeping> team. I am happy just to be managing and not in the front office.

PS: Do you help help out GM Jim Sorochen at all? Do you offer any opinions or contribute in any way?

Whitey: <opening up a Coors light and taking a very long swig> Oh yeah, I let him know my feelings on players and the direction of the team. I hated Armando Benitez. He was a lazy, fat <bleeping> pig who was unprofessional. He was a detriment to the team and I wanted him out of here for years. Unfortunately we couldn’t get fair market value for him and I had to keep putting him in there. That <bleep> cost us way too many games over the years. I am happy he is gone.

PS: Benitez ripped you when he filed for free agency, saying, “Now I am free from the Evil Empire. Free at last!” He then called you a “wrinkled up fossil.” Care to respond?

Whitey: <putting his beer down on the table and looking Spychala in the eye> Funny Armando has never mentioned what happened in Baltimore.

PS: What do you mean?

Whitey: The time I kicked his <bleep> up and down in a bar in the Inner Harbor. It was a Saturday night game, middle game of a three-game set versus the Stars. We had a Sunday night game the next night so a few of the guys from the team wanted to go out. Well, one of my favorite players who ever played for me, Chipper Jones, is on the Stars. I love Chipper, a great kid. Has to learn to keep his <bleep> in his pants though. Anyway he sent me a note during the game about going out for a few after the game. I figured, what the <bleep>, I could die tomorrow, may as well have some fun.

Date: December 29, 2005
Subject: Whitey's orders when facing Baltimore

I don't know about that Mike. The way I see it, I have about a career .600 winning percentage against you in head to head match-ups over the years. Whitey has his orders to run it up this year against you. I don't care if you are "rebuilding!" BAHAHAHA!!!

Date: December 20, 2005
Subject: Herzog's history of trading draft picks

Luckily, Red Birds management has a series of extensive checks and balances. Whitey has been known to "imbibe heavily" and try to pull a "Ditka" and trade all his draft picks for one pick.

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